So, apparently the woman who did our homestudy didn't finalize our homestudy before she went on vacation 3 weeks ago. She said it was done but we never got it. Finally today, she is back and sent my agency and e-mail saying "still waiting for your approval before I finalize the homestudy". Ugh. Our agency sent back a message of "we sent the approval weeks ago, just waiting for your homestudy." Ugh again. Oh well. I suppose the homestudy might be in the mail sometime this week, so I guess I had better get off my butt and make sure my sis-in-law has everything she needs to finish this paperwork off.
Good news, we got all our California Chinese Consulate authentications!
Once we get USCIS approval, we'll get all that notarized and authenticated and we'll be done!
Then we have to track down all the $$ for the final payments. Fun, fun.
Almost there!
By the way, my conclusion about moving to Toronto is about the same as starting the adoption process while living in Doha. We will have to make decisions based on imperfect information. So, at this point, we won't be able to find out everything we need to know to make the right decision. So far, doing it while in Doha has been difficult, but not impossible. We'll move forward and see what happens.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no....
Such is the life of someone who is researching adoption law.
Ok, first let me share the good news. Apparently it only takes 30 days to receive USCIS approval. Yea! We were anticipating 2 months, based on Cydil's blog, but the time period has been cut down. Of course, this assumes we will be approved. No guarantees on that. I haven't heard from my mother in law, so that tells me she has not received our homestudy yet. That's ok.
And, my mom received our paperwork so she can now submit our CA paperwork to the China consulate in Sacramento. That's good news, particularly if our USCIS approval will take less time.
And now, I will begin to vent....
I generally try to stay fairly anonymous on this blog so I don't generally provide exact locations, but in this case I will share with you the city we are considering a move to. Toronto, Canada. Why do I share this delicious piece of personal information? Because, apparently Ontario, Canada (where Toronto is) has possibly the most restrictive adoptive laws in the entire world. It all began when I was skimming a list-serv I am a member of called "adoptionforamericansabroad" on Yahoo Groups. Somebody had made a comment that moving to Ontario required them the "just" change to a Canadian adoption agency. I have since contacted my agency, several social workers in Ontario and an adoption agency in Toronto. All of my first responses seemed to indicate that, yes, if we moved to Toronto we would not be able to continue with our US adoption agency. How could this be possible, I wondered, since we were logged in with China with our first adoption agency? Would we just have to withdraw and start again? Referrals come through the agency, so switching agencies would, I thought, put us back at the end of the line.
But, the good news. Today, within 30 minutes of each other, I received 2 messages. One from the Canadian agency I had contacted. I had responded to his first message emphasizing that we were not planning on becoming Canadian citizens and that Canada was a temporary move (although we could not say whether or not we would be there when the adoption was finalized, maybe, maybe not). The best line in his entire e-mail was "You should have no problem finding a social worker here who can prepare a homestudy to the specifications your US agency requires!" Yippeee! Then, I checked an other e-mail address and I got a message from someone who told me that she was currently in Canada, and currently in the process of an adoption and that Canada had NO INTEREST in her adoption! So, all she needed to do was find a social worker willing to come from the US to do the HS update.
Of course, due to USCIS requirements, we will have to do a homestudy update before 18 months are up. But, if we can just get an update and not have to start again this move will be possible.
Oh yeah, more bad news. Not for us, but for some friends who have finally finalized the adoption of their 10 month old baby girl from Ethiopia. They live in the same country as we do, so she and I have enjoyed swapping adoption stories. We recently had a really nice baby shower for her! They are in the US for a summer vacation and I assume timed to process her citizenship and passport paperwork. They just got notice that their little girl's passport application was rejected! She arrived in the US on a IR-3 visa, which based on all the info my agency gives me, means that she should have received citizenship upon arrival on US SOIL. I'm awaiting an update on this, but apparently US Immigration says that one of the parents must prove 2 year residency in the USA. Of course, they cannot since they have lived here for several years. I have contacted my agency about this because if an IR-3 visa requires 2 year US residency, this could be a huge problem for us as well.
Seems the problem with adoption law around the world is that they are very fluid and subject to interpretation and change. I suppose I should be used to that by now, such is life in the Arab world.
Ok, first let me share the good news. Apparently it only takes 30 days to receive USCIS approval. Yea! We were anticipating 2 months, based on Cydil's blog, but the time period has been cut down. Of course, this assumes we will be approved. No guarantees on that. I haven't heard from my mother in law, so that tells me she has not received our homestudy yet. That's ok.
And, my mom received our paperwork so she can now submit our CA paperwork to the China consulate in Sacramento. That's good news, particularly if our USCIS approval will take less time.
And now, I will begin to vent....
I generally try to stay fairly anonymous on this blog so I don't generally provide exact locations, but in this case I will share with you the city we are considering a move to. Toronto, Canada. Why do I share this delicious piece of personal information? Because, apparently Ontario, Canada (where Toronto is) has possibly the most restrictive adoptive laws in the entire world. It all began when I was skimming a list-serv I am a member of called "adoptionforamericansabroad" on Yahoo Groups. Somebody had made a comment that moving to Ontario required them the "just" change to a Canadian adoption agency. I have since contacted my agency, several social workers in Ontario and an adoption agency in Toronto. All of my first responses seemed to indicate that, yes, if we moved to Toronto we would not be able to continue with our US adoption agency. How could this be possible, I wondered, since we were logged in with China with our first adoption agency? Would we just have to withdraw and start again? Referrals come through the agency, so switching agencies would, I thought, put us back at the end of the line.
But, the good news. Today, within 30 minutes of each other, I received 2 messages. One from the Canadian agency I had contacted. I had responded to his first message emphasizing that we were not planning on becoming Canadian citizens and that Canada was a temporary move (although we could not say whether or not we would be there when the adoption was finalized, maybe, maybe not). The best line in his entire e-mail was "You should have no problem finding a social worker here who can prepare a homestudy to the specifications your US agency requires!" Yippeee! Then, I checked an other e-mail address and I got a message from someone who told me that she was currently in Canada, and currently in the process of an adoption and that Canada had NO INTEREST in her adoption! So, all she needed to do was find a social worker willing to come from the US to do the HS update.
Of course, due to USCIS requirements, we will have to do a homestudy update before 18 months are up. But, if we can just get an update and not have to start again this move will be possible.
Oh yeah, more bad news. Not for us, but for some friends who have finally finalized the adoption of their 10 month old baby girl from Ethiopia. They live in the same country as we do, so she and I have enjoyed swapping adoption stories. We recently had a really nice baby shower for her! They are in the US for a summer vacation and I assume timed to process her citizenship and passport paperwork. They just got notice that their little girl's passport application was rejected! She arrived in the US on a IR-3 visa, which based on all the info my agency gives me, means that she should have received citizenship upon arrival on US SOIL. I'm awaiting an update on this, but apparently US Immigration says that one of the parents must prove 2 year residency in the USA. Of course, they cannot since they have lived here for several years. I have contacted my agency about this because if an IR-3 visa requires 2 year US residency, this could be a huge problem for us as well.
Seems the problem with adoption law around the world is that they are very fluid and subject to interpretation and change. I suppose I should be used to that by now, such is life in the Arab world.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Moving forward...
In an amazingly short 2 weeks, the NY China consulate authenticated my husband's birth certificate. They threatened one month, so, yea! One batch done! 2 more to go.
Looks like our CA documents are still in the mail to my mom. So, once she gets those she'll submit to the Northern California China Consulate. This is silly. Apparently the Southern California Secretary of State office does not do mail requests, so if you send in for authentications via mail (we had to mail our stuff somewhere, so why not straight there rather than to my mom who would then have to walk it in), you have to send them to Sacramento. BUT, then if you want to take them to the Chinese Consulate that is not far away in Los Angeles, no luck. You have to send them to the consulate in the area they were authenticated. Ugh.
Our homestudy appears to be completed so now our agency and our homestudy provider have to somehow work out the details of the agency writing a letter to go with the HS. Not sure how it works exactly. To be honest, I don't care as long as they do it and it's what is required. Once that's done we can finally submit our I800A form. It's ready and waiting at my in-laws' house.
Ok, new glitch. We've taken the past year to get our paperwork completed. That is not counting the almost-year prior that we looked into this and figured out how to do it while living overseas. Our paperwork started arriving back in January, so that's the month when our suff starts to expire (all paperwork must be less than 1 year old upon submission to China). At this point, we're expecting to be 100% done in about 2 months. I keep re-reading Cydil's blog that says she got her USCIS approval in less than 2 months and I'm encouraged. So, as soon as we get USCIS approval, we'll be ready about 2 weeks after that. So, here's the glitch. We're thinking about moving. If we move, we possibly have to then conform to the laws of the place we move to. (thank you Hague treaty, it was hard enough doing this while living in a non-Hague country). We might have to start all over. The thought of this makes me ill.
So, here's the moral dilemna of it all. Whenever you move you have to submit a homestudy update. Fair enough. They want to make sure that you haven't moved from a place suitable for children to a rat-infested studio apartment. But, when we do a homestudy update, we will have to find someone who is approved to do one in that particular area. Although a homestudy update should be merely a formality, if we move to a place that has higher standards than we have completed, we will first need to reach those standards. Some places, in fact, are extremely picky about your agency. And although we have already paid our agency for the adoption, we might be required to find a new agency. Ouch! And here comes the moral dilemma. What are the chances we will be living in this new location by the time the adoption is complete? Hard to say at this point. But, what if we move and redo everything and then move to an other place where we have to redo it back to the original? We're talking thousands and thousands of dollars here not to mention all the stress and aggravation of needing to redo everything. So, would it terrible if we "ignored" our move until we knew whether or not we would be there when the adoption was complete? There is no guarantee how long the waiting period will take. Hey, our girls could be in Jr. High before they have a new little sister. Ok, I exaggerate, but really, some people (random blogs, I need to stay off these kind of things) are even estimating the wait time as long as 7 years! Seriously, this is China. Although the process if perdictable, the time period is not. There are so many factors involved. When we started this process we were told that when we moved "all we would need to do was find a qualified homestudy providor to do a homestudy update". Easy, easy. Hey, we found someone to come to the middle east, didn't we? Finding one in a western country shouldn't be hard at all! Wrong.
It never occured to me that adoption laws would be a factor in deciding whether or not to take a job offer. Ok, technically the job offer has not arrived so it's technically not an issue yet. But it could be soon.
Looks like our CA documents are still in the mail to my mom. So, once she gets those she'll submit to the Northern California China Consulate. This is silly. Apparently the Southern California Secretary of State office does not do mail requests, so if you send in for authentications via mail (we had to mail our stuff somewhere, so why not straight there rather than to my mom who would then have to walk it in), you have to send them to Sacramento. BUT, then if you want to take them to the Chinese Consulate that is not far away in Los Angeles, no luck. You have to send them to the consulate in the area they were authenticated. Ugh.
Our homestudy appears to be completed so now our agency and our homestudy provider have to somehow work out the details of the agency writing a letter to go with the HS. Not sure how it works exactly. To be honest, I don't care as long as they do it and it's what is required. Once that's done we can finally submit our I800A form. It's ready and waiting at my in-laws' house.
Ok, new glitch. We've taken the past year to get our paperwork completed. That is not counting the almost-year prior that we looked into this and figured out how to do it while living overseas. Our paperwork started arriving back in January, so that's the month when our suff starts to expire (all paperwork must be less than 1 year old upon submission to China). At this point, we're expecting to be 100% done in about 2 months. I keep re-reading Cydil's blog that says she got her USCIS approval in less than 2 months and I'm encouraged. So, as soon as we get USCIS approval, we'll be ready about 2 weeks after that. So, here's the glitch. We're thinking about moving. If we move, we possibly have to then conform to the laws of the place we move to. (thank you Hague treaty, it was hard enough doing this while living in a non-Hague country). We might have to start all over. The thought of this makes me ill.
So, here's the moral dilemna of it all. Whenever you move you have to submit a homestudy update. Fair enough. They want to make sure that you haven't moved from a place suitable for children to a rat-infested studio apartment. But, when we do a homestudy update, we will have to find someone who is approved to do one in that particular area. Although a homestudy update should be merely a formality, if we move to a place that has higher standards than we have completed, we will first need to reach those standards. Some places, in fact, are extremely picky about your agency. And although we have already paid our agency for the adoption, we might be required to find a new agency. Ouch! And here comes the moral dilemma. What are the chances we will be living in this new location by the time the adoption is complete? Hard to say at this point. But, what if we move and redo everything and then move to an other place where we have to redo it back to the original? We're talking thousands and thousands of dollars here not to mention all the stress and aggravation of needing to redo everything. So, would it terrible if we "ignored" our move until we knew whether or not we would be there when the adoption was complete? There is no guarantee how long the waiting period will take. Hey, our girls could be in Jr. High before they have a new little sister. Ok, I exaggerate, but really, some people (random blogs, I need to stay off these kind of things) are even estimating the wait time as long as 7 years! Seriously, this is China. Although the process if perdictable, the time period is not. There are so many factors involved. When we started this process we were told that when we moved "all we would need to do was find a qualified homestudy providor to do a homestudy update". Easy, easy. Hey, we found someone to come to the middle east, didn't we? Finding one in a western country shouldn't be hard at all! Wrong.
It never occured to me that adoption laws would be a factor in deciding whether or not to take a job offer. Ok, technically the job offer has not arrived so it's technically not an issue yet. But it could be soon.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Authentications...
A few more steps done!
My husband's birth certificate has been authenticated by the State of Maine, and many more of our documents have been authenticated by the State of California. We were almost ready to go for our Washington DC authentications until we realized that our USCIS approval ALSO needed to be authenticated. So, why do it twice? So we'll wait on those documents to be authenticated until then.
The Maine birth certificate is in the mail to the New York China Embassy. It should take a month to get that authenticated there, so the website says. In the next few days, I'll get the application mailed out to CA so my mom can send the CA authenticated documents to the CA China Consulate.
My husband's birth certificate has been authenticated by the State of Maine, and many more of our documents have been authenticated by the State of California. We were almost ready to go for our Washington DC authentications until we realized that our USCIS approval ALSO needed to be authenticated. So, why do it twice? So we'll wait on those documents to be authenticated until then.
The Maine birth certificate is in the mail to the New York China Embassy. It should take a month to get that authenticated there, so the website says. In the next few days, I'll get the application mailed out to CA so my mom can send the CA authenticated documents to the CA China Consulate.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
One major step: DONE!
We have officially received all of our required paperwork for our homestudy and dossier. I had no idea it would take this long but finally, the day arrived. We visited California last month, and that made it much easier. My husband's CA police clearance apparently was lost in the mail, so while we were there we went to a fingerprinting place and they fingerprinted him and electronically submitted his police clearance request. How easy! So much easier and cheaper than the ordeal we had to go through here. We also mailed our CA child abuse clearances while we were there (supposedly they were submitted twice by our former HS guy, I don't believe he submitted it the first time, and the second he didn't bother to check to see that a check was required.) So, all in all we have acquired:
For me:
* birth certificate from CA
* police clearance from CA, DC, VA and Qatar
* child abuse clearance from CA, DC and VA
* FBI clearance
For my husband:
* birth certificate from ME
* police clearance from CA, DC, FL and Qatar
* child abuse clearance from CA, DC and FL
* FBI Clearance
For us:
* 3 recommendation letters
* marriage certificate
And, we have completed AND notarized the following forms:
* medical clearances
* financial statement
* employment letters (for both of us, from my husbands company and one I wrote saying "I choose to stay home and raise my children")
* personal statement to China
Whew! Now all (sarcasm here) we have to do is get all our dossier documents authenticated at the Secretary of State (for us, one packet to Maine, one packet to CA and one packet to DC) THEN get those authenticated documents sent to the Chinese Consulates in NY, CA or DC (depending on their authentication location). Whew! We left NH last weekend and here's how that is going to happen:
* the ME packet is being mailed by my inlaws in NH to ME Sec of State. Then when they receive the results, they will forward the second packet to the NY Chinese Consulate.
* The CA packet is being mailed by my inlaws in NH to the CA Sec of State. The results of that will go to my parents in CA. From there, they will send the results to the Chinese Consulate in CA. Slight problem. All the documents are from Southern California, but the Sec. of State is in Northern California. There are 2 Chinese Consulates, one in So Cal one in No Cal. We have to use the "correct" one. Not sure which one to use since the docs are from So Cal but the authentications are from No Cal.
* The DC packet is going to be hand carried by my sis in law to the State Department in DC (she works near it). First, though she must wait for us to receive in the mail my husband's CA police clearance that we will get notarized here overseas. She will then wait for the results and, if we are lucky, will hand carry it to the Chinese Embassy in DC and wait for those results.
* Oh, then there's the I800A form. That's still in NH awaiting a copy of our homestudy to be attached to that. BUT, one piece of good news is that we had extra fingerprint forms done here and since we couldn't understand the directions on the form for overseas fingerprinting (there are no biometrics fingerprinting places here) I just left them with the form. I just contacted NBC Hague about what to do and they said to just include our fingerprint cards with the form. Yea! For once something worked easier and cheaper than if we were in the US. So once our HS woman releases our HS we're ready to submit this form!
Still about a million steps to go, but since our paperwork starts expiring in January, we need to get our dossier submitted to China no later than December. Actually, now we might move, so we really need to get it in before we go. Can't move in the middle of this process, that would be a disaster. We can move before we get our little girl though, believe me, we have looked into that.
For me:
* birth certificate from CA
* police clearance from CA, DC, VA and Qatar
* child abuse clearance from CA, DC and VA
* FBI clearance
For my husband:
* birth certificate from ME
* police clearance from CA, DC, FL and Qatar
* child abuse clearance from CA, DC and FL
* FBI Clearance
For us:
* 3 recommendation letters
* marriage certificate
And, we have completed AND notarized the following forms:
* medical clearances
* financial statement
* employment letters (for both of us, from my husbands company and one I wrote saying "I choose to stay home and raise my children")
* personal statement to China
Whew! Now all (sarcasm here) we have to do is get all our dossier documents authenticated at the Secretary of State (for us, one packet to Maine, one packet to CA and one packet to DC) THEN get those authenticated documents sent to the Chinese Consulates in NY, CA or DC (depending on their authentication location). Whew! We left NH last weekend and here's how that is going to happen:
* the ME packet is being mailed by my inlaws in NH to ME Sec of State. Then when they receive the results, they will forward the second packet to the NY Chinese Consulate.
* The CA packet is being mailed by my inlaws in NH to the CA Sec of State. The results of that will go to my parents in CA. From there, they will send the results to the Chinese Consulate in CA. Slight problem. All the documents are from Southern California, but the Sec. of State is in Northern California. There are 2 Chinese Consulates, one in So Cal one in No Cal. We have to use the "correct" one. Not sure which one to use since the docs are from So Cal but the authentications are from No Cal.
* The DC packet is going to be hand carried by my sis in law to the State Department in DC (she works near it). First, though she must wait for us to receive in the mail my husband's CA police clearance that we will get notarized here overseas. She will then wait for the results and, if we are lucky, will hand carry it to the Chinese Embassy in DC and wait for those results.
* Oh, then there's the I800A form. That's still in NH awaiting a copy of our homestudy to be attached to that. BUT, one piece of good news is that we had extra fingerprint forms done here and since we couldn't understand the directions on the form for overseas fingerprinting (there are no biometrics fingerprinting places here) I just left them with the form. I just contacted NBC Hague about what to do and they said to just include our fingerprint cards with the form. Yea! For once something worked easier and cheaper than if we were in the US. So once our HS woman releases our HS we're ready to submit this form!
Still about a million steps to go, but since our paperwork starts expiring in January, we need to get our dossier submitted to China no later than December. Actually, now we might move, so we really need to get it in before we go. Can't move in the middle of this process, that would be a disaster. We can move before we get our little girl though, believe me, we have looked into that.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Finally, interesting paperwork...
Today my project for the day was to get a statement from my vet that my cat is well, vaccinated and well taken care of. Bizarre, but whatever. I just got an e-mail saying we had to do this. So, I typed up a letter "from" the vet to our HS agent giving all the dates of our cat's vaccinations and the date and results of our most recent visit (April, I figure that's close enough that I don't need a new exam for him. Our medical tests were before that!).
We stopped by the vet and asked if they would be willing to sign this letter. We sat down to wait as they pulled our file, talked to the vet and waited for them to do whatever they needed to do. The receptionist offered to let my 3 year old hold a kitten that was in a cage in the lobby. She thought that sounded pretty good, so although I think we waited quite a while we were all fairly entertained by the adorable yellow kitten she had in her lap. My 18 month old enjoyed throwing the dog toy balls all over the floor. She found one she particularly liked and showed it to me and talked about almost the entire time (as much at 18mo olds talk).
Finally, the vet was ready to talk to me and I explained what we were doing and why we needed the letter. He commented that this seemed almost like a court document for a court case. I commented that I thought it was amusing that I was adopting and they required evidence that I cared for and vaccinated my CAT but nothing requires me to prove that I care for and vaccinate my KIDS! He made some comment about no one adopting my kids... After I got home I ran through the conversations in my head and I now think that the vet office thought I was getting this form signed so someone would adopt my CAT! I guess I had kind of forgotten that in the animal world, adoption means placing a dog or cat into a home. How funny, anyway, I have the letter and my cat although over 20lbs, is in good health and vaccinated.
We actually enjoyed getting this paperwork done. Can't go wrong with petting kittens and dogs while you wait! Should I admit I took the kids to get Krispy Kreme when we finished? Nah.
We're almost done. Looks like my husband's police clearance from CA was lost in the mail. Mine was received 2 months ago, and our checks were cashed on the same day. We'll be in CA next week, so I guess a visit to the police station for fingerprinting (and submitting this paperwork for the 3RD! time). Other than that, we are still waiting for our child abuse clearances that our first HS guy supposedly submitted in December. Then, supposedly he resubmitted them in April. He got CA rejected because he didn't bother to send the required checks (or ask us for them) and we are waiting to hear back if he got anything from DC or FL. Hopefully, that would make life easier.
We expected to be done by now, so we have been notarizing our documents as we go. Now, at $50 a page, that's not cheap. But when there is one notary in town, he can charge whatever he wants. Well, we'll be in CA next week and I hear it's only about $10 a page. If we'd known it would all take this long, we would have just notarized everything there. Oh well.
I wonder what it takes to be a notary and if I can be one overseas. Not a bad side job if you are the only one in town.
We stopped by the vet and asked if they would be willing to sign this letter. We sat down to wait as they pulled our file, talked to the vet and waited for them to do whatever they needed to do. The receptionist offered to let my 3 year old hold a kitten that was in a cage in the lobby. She thought that sounded pretty good, so although I think we waited quite a while we were all fairly entertained by the adorable yellow kitten she had in her lap. My 18 month old enjoyed throwing the dog toy balls all over the floor. She found one she particularly liked and showed it to me and talked about almost the entire time (as much at 18mo olds talk).
Finally, the vet was ready to talk to me and I explained what we were doing and why we needed the letter. He commented that this seemed almost like a court document for a court case. I commented that I thought it was amusing that I was adopting and they required evidence that I cared for and vaccinated my CAT but nothing requires me to prove that I care for and vaccinate my KIDS! He made some comment about no one adopting my kids... After I got home I ran through the conversations in my head and I now think that the vet office thought I was getting this form signed so someone would adopt my CAT! I guess I had kind of forgotten that in the animal world, adoption means placing a dog or cat into a home. How funny, anyway, I have the letter and my cat although over 20lbs, is in good health and vaccinated.
We actually enjoyed getting this paperwork done. Can't go wrong with petting kittens and dogs while you wait! Should I admit I took the kids to get Krispy Kreme when we finished? Nah.
We're almost done. Looks like my husband's police clearance from CA was lost in the mail. Mine was received 2 months ago, and our checks were cashed on the same day. We'll be in CA next week, so I guess a visit to the police station for fingerprinting (and submitting this paperwork for the 3RD! time). Other than that, we are still waiting for our child abuse clearances that our first HS guy supposedly submitted in December. Then, supposedly he resubmitted them in April. He got CA rejected because he didn't bother to send the required checks (or ask us for them) and we are waiting to hear back if he got anything from DC or FL. Hopefully, that would make life easier.
We expected to be done by now, so we have been notarizing our documents as we go. Now, at $50 a page, that's not cheap. But when there is one notary in town, he can charge whatever he wants. Well, we'll be in CA next week and I hear it's only about $10 a page. If we'd known it would all take this long, we would have just notarized everything there. Oh well.
I wonder what it takes to be a notary and if I can be one overseas. Not a bad side job if you are the only one in town.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Homestudy... almost there.
We've decided once and for all to dump our flaky HS guy. We found 2 more people through the sympathy of our adoption agency who helped us. I have no idea how I never came across at least one of them originally. I was under the impression that I had a choice of 2-- and one won't do Hague countries for the time being. As for our new people, one is in a nearby country, but her fees are so high that it is almost cheaper to fly someone from Europe. Actually, that's what we are going to do. We went with the one in Europe. Of course, she flies out of a tiny airport and doesn't want to stay over a Saturday night but that's the way it goes. She seems to have her act together and her reference gave her a stellar recommendation. I get the impression that she knows her stuff and if the information is available, she will know it. That's all we can ask.
I'll be honest, we almost threw in the towel on this whole thing. I still wonder sometimes, what in the world are we doing?
I'll be honest, we almost threw in the towel on this whole thing. I still wonder sometimes, what in the world are we doing?
Friday, April 17, 2009
Homestudy Saga Contines...
So, this is the weekend we had originally planned months ago to do the homestudy. It has come and will soon be gone, but with no homestudy. After the laborious attempts to book a ticket for this weekend we rescheduled for one month from this weekend. The prices were half and with more than a month's notice we could probably get it scheduled. As we learned previously, the HS guy had to book his own ticket. Great, he showed us the price and itinerary he found and we agreed on it. Or so we thought. We hadn't heard anything from him so we sent him a quick e-mail to let him know that we re-sent the child abuse clearances requests to him (all 3 that he supposedly submitted were never heard from, the 1 that we submitted was responded to... hmmm) and asking if he had booked his ticket. His response was a list of itineraries-- that resembled NOTHING like we had agreed on. Suddenly he wanted to only come on weekdays (fine, but why have we been planning since January for him to come on a weekend?) and the prices were triple the price of the ticket we had talked about and higher than the original weekend tickets (which is one of the reasons we changed our dates in the first place). Also, he had originally said he needed 3 days with us. Fine, but now he was planning to only come for 24 hours. Sure, we're happy not to pay for 3 nights in a hotel, but why suddenly will it take only 1 day? I painstakingly composed an e-mail (and checked by my husband, who has more tact than I) quoting e-mails from HIM that outlined what he was going to do and requesing that we would like to go with the original plan as stated in HIS e-mails (rather than switching to this itinerary that he pulled out of who knows where-- ok, I didn't say that).
Are we being unreasonable? First, he says he wants to come for 3 days, Thurs-Saturday. Great, Friday/Sat is our weekend. Then he says, hey, I'll go to a nearby country too on Saturday! Sure, we'd share on flight expenses with the other family, but why should we lose him on our only 100% free day when we started the plans in the first place. And, why will suddenly what was supposed to take 3 days take under 2 now? Ok, so he scraps the plan to travel to an other country and we try to buy the tickets. That was a no-go (see previous post) and he finds an itinerary that is a great time/price. We agree that due to the April difficulties we'll do this in May with the agreed price/itinerary. Suddenly he changes all of the above and we are starting from ground zero again. Every time we think we have an agreement, it turns out we don't. At this point, I'm not sure even if we could arrange a schedule for him to fly out here we would want him to come. We don't trust him, since he seems to forget everything we agree on. And, I don't think he's a great fan of us either since we don't get overly excited about his random changes of course. He's supposed to recommend us to China, not sure if he can do that right now.
He says he's willing to recommend other HS person to help up. I think we might have to do that. I'm hoping that my research was incomplete and that there actually are more people than I thought who can do this. We'll see.
Truly in God's hands. Nothing more we can do at this point.
Are we being unreasonable? First, he says he wants to come for 3 days, Thurs-Saturday. Great, Friday/Sat is our weekend. Then he says, hey, I'll go to a nearby country too on Saturday! Sure, we'd share on flight expenses with the other family, but why should we lose him on our only 100% free day when we started the plans in the first place. And, why will suddenly what was supposed to take 3 days take under 2 now? Ok, so he scraps the plan to travel to an other country and we try to buy the tickets. That was a no-go (see previous post) and he finds an itinerary that is a great time/price. We agree that due to the April difficulties we'll do this in May with the agreed price/itinerary. Suddenly he changes all of the above and we are starting from ground zero again. Every time we think we have an agreement, it turns out we don't. At this point, I'm not sure even if we could arrange a schedule for him to fly out here we would want him to come. We don't trust him, since he seems to forget everything we agree on. And, I don't think he's a great fan of us either since we don't get overly excited about his random changes of course. He's supposed to recommend us to China, not sure if he can do that right now.
He says he's willing to recommend other HS person to help up. I think we might have to do that. I'm hoping that my research was incomplete and that there actually are more people than I thought who can do this. We'll see.
Truly in God's hands. Nothing more we can do at this point.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Adventures in Homestudies...
Whenever I read up on adoption, the homestudy always seems like such a basic part of the process. All you need to do is get a local homestudy agency/social worker to come by your house for a few hours of meetings and then they write up your homestudy for submission with your dossier. Well, with the new Hague laws, the homestudy providor must be affiliated with an approved agency. Well, there is no concept of adoption under Sharia (Islamic) law. So, hence, there are no agency-affiliated social workers here. Apparently some people who live here used to be qualified, but the new laws took away their qualifications. Ugh, bummer.
So, our choices have come down to 2. Yes, two people in the entire world. Both of them live in Germany. We chose one because he was the most helpful at the beginning helping us try to figure out if we were qualified at all to even adopt because we are overseas. Seems like the conclusion we all came to was "probably". Yes, we are still not 100% sure we can even do this. But since "probably yes" is about as certain as you get in this part of the world anyway, we are comfortable moving forward with the plans that we believe God has for our family.
If I was a social worker, that would be my job. These two men travel the world doing homestudies for people. Awesome.
Of course, easier said than done. We have to fly this guy out here and put him up in a hotel. We finally nailed down a date with him which took forever to do. Then as we were trying to book tickets, he said "oh, how about I also go to a nearby country and you can share costs." Sure, sounded good, but then everyone (except us) decided he would not be here on Saturday. Hmmm, that's our main day off work so that was the day we wanted to do MOST of the work. I got a bit huffy and in the end, the other family canceled. Actually they just completed an adoption and wanted to start an other one. They aren't really in a hurry since they are still getting settled with our first. So, we were ready to buy his ticket here. We went online, clicked on the flights/prices we wanted and entered the credit card to purchase it... denied! What!??! Apparently my credit card moved me from Citibank to Bank of America (I have one of those U Promise credit cards, LOVE IT, 1% of everything I spend goes to my kids' college funds!). The UPromise website assured me that this would not affect me and my card would work as normal. Well, apparenly Bank of America did not agree, canceled my card (and I assume everyone else's) and issued me a new one. Slight problem. I DONT LIVE IN THE USA! My statements go there, but I do everything online so how would I know that my card was cancelled 4 months before the expiration date printed on it? Called them, nothing they could do. So, tried a second credit card. DENIED! What?! Apparently that transaction got flagged by the fraud department since I was buying plane tickets from Europe to the Middle East. Got that cleared up. So, 2 1/2 hours later we got the credit card to work. Up pops a new window with a brand new addition to the terms and conditions (yes, I did read them originally): "One of the travelers must be the holder of the credit card used to purchase this plane ticket, if you accept this policy click OK, if not, click on BACK and enter a new credit card." What! ? At this point it was 11PM here and we called the US branch of Etihad airlines (I never call the local branches here, the US call centers are MUCH better... tells you how bad they are here, doesn't it?). Nope, nothing we could do. The traveler must present the credit card used to purchase the ticket in order to board the plane. Might have been helpful if they had told us this 3 hours ago!
So, long story long... Still no plane tickets. We emailed our HS guy and asked him to buy this plane ticket. There were only 2 more seats on the flight we wanted. Surprise, surprise. He spent the entire AM on the task (so he says) and couldn't get them. Price went up, itinerary gone. Good news, maybe. If we wait until may the airline price is 1/2. Is it worth it? Maybe.
So, our choices have come down to 2. Yes, two people in the entire world. Both of them live in Germany. We chose one because he was the most helpful at the beginning helping us try to figure out if we were qualified at all to even adopt because we are overseas. Seems like the conclusion we all came to was "probably". Yes, we are still not 100% sure we can even do this. But since "probably yes" is about as certain as you get in this part of the world anyway, we are comfortable moving forward with the plans that we believe God has for our family.
If I was a social worker, that would be my job. These two men travel the world doing homestudies for people. Awesome.
Of course, easier said than done. We have to fly this guy out here and put him up in a hotel. We finally nailed down a date with him which took forever to do. Then as we were trying to book tickets, he said "oh, how about I also go to a nearby country and you can share costs." Sure, sounded good, but then everyone (except us) decided he would not be here on Saturday. Hmmm, that's our main day off work so that was the day we wanted to do MOST of the work. I got a bit huffy and in the end, the other family canceled. Actually they just completed an adoption and wanted to start an other one. They aren't really in a hurry since they are still getting settled with our first. So, we were ready to buy his ticket here. We went online, clicked on the flights/prices we wanted and entered the credit card to purchase it... denied! What!??! Apparently my credit card moved me from Citibank to Bank of America (I have one of those U Promise credit cards, LOVE IT, 1% of everything I spend goes to my kids' college funds!). The UPromise website assured me that this would not affect me and my card would work as normal. Well, apparenly Bank of America did not agree, canceled my card (and I assume everyone else's) and issued me a new one. Slight problem. I DONT LIVE IN THE USA! My statements go there, but I do everything online so how would I know that my card was cancelled 4 months before the expiration date printed on it? Called them, nothing they could do. So, tried a second credit card. DENIED! What?! Apparently that transaction got flagged by the fraud department since I was buying plane tickets from Europe to the Middle East. Got that cleared up. So, 2 1/2 hours later we got the credit card to work. Up pops a new window with a brand new addition to the terms and conditions (yes, I did read them originally): "One of the travelers must be the holder of the credit card used to purchase this plane ticket, if you accept this policy click OK, if not, click on BACK and enter a new credit card." What! ? At this point it was 11PM here and we called the US branch of Etihad airlines (I never call the local branches here, the US call centers are MUCH better... tells you how bad they are here, doesn't it?). Nope, nothing we could do. The traveler must present the credit card used to purchase the ticket in order to board the plane. Might have been helpful if they had told us this 3 hours ago!
So, long story long... Still no plane tickets. We emailed our HS guy and asked him to buy this plane ticket. There were only 2 more seats on the flight we wanted. Surprise, surprise. He spent the entire AM on the task (so he says) and couldn't get them. Price went up, itinerary gone. Good news, maybe. If we wait until may the airline price is 1/2. Is it worth it? Maybe.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Police Clearances...
We're getting there. We got our FBI clearance. You would think such a major clearance would have some extensive explanation attached or something. No, they just stamp "no record" on the back of the application... nice. Anyway, with FBI clearance in hand, we headed down to the US embassy to get a notarized letter from them saying we had no record in the US. Gotta love bureaucracy. While we were there, we got our medical certificates notarized (silly cover letter method, we write a note that says "The attached is true to the best of my knowledge" then the notary stamps it). My question is, do doctors in the US generally have a notary just sitting around to notarize their signature? Or, do adoption applicants just bring their own notary? Our instructions make it sound like it's normal to just get your doctor's signature notarized when he/she signs it. Well, our only notary in the country is in the embassy so we'll be doing lots of cover letters.
So, how to get clearance from our country of residence? We asked the notary at the embassy and he suggested that we just get my husband's company "mandoup" (a fancy word for "gopher") to do it for us. Perfect! Apparently in the last couple years, after we moved here, they decided to enforce a law already on the books for years that requires all foreigners to get police clearance before they start a job. So, this guy does this process every day! Yea! He submitted the paperwork and has already received back our FBI paperwork. Now, we are just waiting for our final clearance. Almost done!
Sure, FBI was easy, but California didn't like our fingerprints. We apparently used the wrong card stock. Yeah, so because our paper was wrong (not the form, just the paper it was printed on) we had to go to the embassy get an other fingerprint request letter (and pay 2 more notary fees!) get our fingerprints done again and send them off to CA. We actually forgot about the paperwork for about 2 weeks. oops.. it was done just not mailed off. I broke our copy machine/printer so we can't just run off copies so I guess I forgot to ask my husband to copy them at work and since I always copied them he never thought to suggest it. Oh well, an other 4 weeks for CA but since I don't expect our homestudy will be done in less than 2 months I'm sure it will be fine.
We gave our homestudy guy the paperwork to submit for our child abuse clearances at the end of December. Still have not heard anything. I have no idea how long it should take to get child abuse clearance. I keep asking if he has submitted it, but no response. I sure hope he has. Perhaps I'll e-mail him again about that today.
Speaking of child abuse clearances, we're still at a loss as to what to do with local child abuse clearances. There is no tracking of child abuse cases in this country. But, we need child abuse clearace. What to do? Here's my idea: My husband and I write a letter saying something like "Child abuse cases are not tracked in this country, if there were any record of child abuse, it would be found in the police clearance." Then we pay our notary guy to notarize it. Sound official enough? What do you think?
So, how to get clearance from our country of residence? We asked the notary at the embassy and he suggested that we just get my husband's company "mandoup" (a fancy word for "gopher") to do it for us. Perfect! Apparently in the last couple years, after we moved here, they decided to enforce a law already on the books for years that requires all foreigners to get police clearance before they start a job. So, this guy does this process every day! Yea! He submitted the paperwork and has already received back our FBI paperwork. Now, we are just waiting for our final clearance. Almost done!
Sure, FBI was easy, but California didn't like our fingerprints. We apparently used the wrong card stock. Yeah, so because our paper was wrong (not the form, just the paper it was printed on) we had to go to the embassy get an other fingerprint request letter (and pay 2 more notary fees!) get our fingerprints done again and send them off to CA. We actually forgot about the paperwork for about 2 weeks. oops.. it was done just not mailed off. I broke our copy machine/printer so we can't just run off copies so I guess I forgot to ask my husband to copy them at work and since I always copied them he never thought to suggest it. Oh well, an other 4 weeks for CA but since I don't expect our homestudy will be done in less than 2 months I'm sure it will be fine.
We gave our homestudy guy the paperwork to submit for our child abuse clearances at the end of December. Still have not heard anything. I have no idea how long it should take to get child abuse clearance. I keep asking if he has submitted it, but no response. I sure hope he has. Perhaps I'll e-mail him again about that today.
Speaking of child abuse clearances, we're still at a loss as to what to do with local child abuse clearances. There is no tracking of child abuse cases in this country. But, we need child abuse clearace. What to do? Here's my idea: My husband and I write a letter saying something like "Child abuse cases are not tracked in this country, if there were any record of child abuse, it would be found in the police clearance." Then we pay our notary guy to notarize it. Sound official enough? What do you think?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Medical Adventure...
This AM my husband and I dragged our 2 little ones to the hospital to get our medical reports done for our homestudy/dossier. Now, I have 2 little girls, so I have spent too much time at the hospital so it has become routine for me. BUT, perhaps you would be interested in a hospital adventure over here in the middle east.
First, it took me a while to realize that when someone was going to the hospital, it was not necessarily a major problem. Here, you go to the hospital (or to hospital, as they say) for everything. There are private doctors, but most of them are affiliated with one of the major hospitals. There are two hospitals that are frequented by westerners. The one we went to is the one I gave birth in both times. It used to be the main hospital in town until the newest one opened about 4 years ago. Now, most of the westerners go to the new one. I actually prefer the old one. Sure, there are no appointments but when you get there you receive a number and you know exactly how many people are in front of you. The new hospital takes appointments (assuming they decide to answer their phone the day you call, but that is rare) but somehow intermixes the appointments and the drop-ins. It is not uncommon to wait 3 hours there- with an appointment! And, the new hospital has a beautiful kids waiting area complete with a TV playing cartoons, toys and colorful chairs. There is one MAJOR problem with this seemingly wonderful setup. The well kids intermix with the sick kids and I have never seen them clean it. So, we stopped going there after the 3rd time my kids came down with a sickness that was worse than what we were there to see the doctor for.
So, this AM we were off to the City Clinic Hospital. We got there just after 8AM and my husband checked in and then I did. Apparently one of the other receptionists logged a patient between my husband and I so we had to wait for someone between us. There was only one person waiting in front of him, but that took a while. First the 4 of us hung out in the men's waiting room. Yes, men and women have different waiting rooms. Although you rarely see them mix, I think it is kind of ok for a woman to be in the men's area but it is not ok for a man to be in the woman's area. There was a TV playing an Indian soap opera, I think. We had a stroller with us full of toys and snacks to amuse them but in the end the best entertainment was to walk the halls. The setup was circular so we could follow the halls around and end up back at the waiting rooms. Eventually they called my husband and he went in while I went with the girls to the women's waiting area. We cause quite a spectacle wherever we go, particularly in enclosed areas like a waiting room. Actually, the girls were well behaved and we sat and read books and they ran around pushing their dolls in the doll stroller. I think we can get away with stuff like that here more than in the US.
Anyway, it looks like our medicals will be easy to do. Turns out that the doctor is Italian and married to a Palistinian. They are wanting to adopt from Gaza, although they aren't sure if that can even happen. What are the chances of finding a doctor in the middle east who wants to adopt!? Very small! There is no concept of adoption in this part of the world so very few people do it. So, she did the exam and tried to claim most of the tests to our insurance. She pointed out to us that it would be difficult to claim the Hep and the HIV tests as "necessary" since that would look bad for us in the adoption process. So, fortunately for us, it looks like we'll be able to get insurance to pay for much of the physical. yea!
First, it took me a while to realize that when someone was going to the hospital, it was not necessarily a major problem. Here, you go to the hospital (or to hospital, as they say) for everything. There are private doctors, but most of them are affiliated with one of the major hospitals. There are two hospitals that are frequented by westerners. The one we went to is the one I gave birth in both times. It used to be the main hospital in town until the newest one opened about 4 years ago. Now, most of the westerners go to the new one. I actually prefer the old one. Sure, there are no appointments but when you get there you receive a number and you know exactly how many people are in front of you. The new hospital takes appointments (assuming they decide to answer their phone the day you call, but that is rare) but somehow intermixes the appointments and the drop-ins. It is not uncommon to wait 3 hours there- with an appointment! And, the new hospital has a beautiful kids waiting area complete with a TV playing cartoons, toys and colorful chairs. There is one MAJOR problem with this seemingly wonderful setup. The well kids intermix with the sick kids and I have never seen them clean it. So, we stopped going there after the 3rd time my kids came down with a sickness that was worse than what we were there to see the doctor for.
So, this AM we were off to the City Clinic Hospital. We got there just after 8AM and my husband checked in and then I did. Apparently one of the other receptionists logged a patient between my husband and I so we had to wait for someone between us. There was only one person waiting in front of him, but that took a while. First the 4 of us hung out in the men's waiting room. Yes, men and women have different waiting rooms. Although you rarely see them mix, I think it is kind of ok for a woman to be in the men's area but it is not ok for a man to be in the woman's area. There was a TV playing an Indian soap opera, I think. We had a stroller with us full of toys and snacks to amuse them but in the end the best entertainment was to walk the halls. The setup was circular so we could follow the halls around and end up back at the waiting rooms. Eventually they called my husband and he went in while I went with the girls to the women's waiting area. We cause quite a spectacle wherever we go, particularly in enclosed areas like a waiting room. Actually, the girls were well behaved and we sat and read books and they ran around pushing their dolls in the doll stroller. I think we can get away with stuff like that here more than in the US.
Anyway, it looks like our medicals will be easy to do. Turns out that the doctor is Italian and married to a Palistinian. They are wanting to adopt from Gaza, although they aren't sure if that can even happen. What are the chances of finding a doctor in the middle east who wants to adopt!? Very small! There is no concept of adoption in this part of the world so very few people do it. So, she did the exam and tried to claim most of the tests to our insurance. She pointed out to us that it would be difficult to claim the Hep and the HIV tests as "necessary" since that would look bad for us in the adoption process. So, fortunately for us, it looks like we'll be able to get insurance to pay for much of the physical. yea!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Training... and a rant
Right now we're focusing on the training...
The Hague Treaty requires a certain number of hours for training. Our agency says 10 hours, our homestudy guy says 30. We still need to check with him about hose extra 20 hours. We've finished reading Adoption Parenting and taken an exam on it... 95%! Actually, it's set up for you to succeed. Fortunately, you aren't required to memorize everything. The book is more of a resource. That's good, because by the time we come home with our little girl, there is no way we are going to remember what we read years before.
Now we've moved on to the National Council for Adoption Training. This covers either 8 or 10 hours of our required training (again, something we need to confirm). It's a course that both the husband and wife need to complete. We'd like to do it together, but I'm a very fast reader and my husband is a very slow reader. You have to click through pages of reading, click on Internet links and open up articles to read. Also, there are several videos that you need to view. Actually, part of the reason I'm working on this blog right now is because the videos take so long to load that I can do other things while I wait.
I'm both encouraged and discouraged by the training. The risks are high. We have been blessed with two biological children who have no delays or problems. Really, the biggest problem we have had medically is that our second daughter was almost always sick with a cold or flu the first year of her life. So, that means we have also spent the first year of her life sick as well. I believe I have had the stomach flu 6 or 7 times in the past 14 months, ugh. Of course, there are no guarantees with biological children either, but it sounds like the risks of adopted children are much higher. I suppose it is better to be prepared for anything than surprised by something. But the way this training makes it sound, our child will be significantly developmentally delayed due to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but at minimum due to institutionalization. In addition, there could be major attachment issues and our child will never really attach to us as her parents. Would we love our biological children less if they have physical or mental delays/problems/issues? No. So, it might be tough, but I suspect it will be worth it.
There are several videos in this training done by adoptive families telling about their experiences. There is one thing that has struck me and I want to write about. Warning: This will be a bit of a rant... One reason we have chosen to adopt internationally is that we are a very internationally-minded family. We have traveled extensively and currently live overseas. We have always had a diverse group of friends as well as enjoyed learning about other cultures and people. It seems like a child from an other culture and background would be a good fit with our family. In fact, none of our children have been born in the US. First two were born here in the Middle East and now our third will be born in China. One thing I noticed about these families in the training who have talked about their experiences is that almost all of them have rarely or never traveled overseas. I'm not sure if any of them ever traveled to their child's country prior to starting the adoption! On our agency paperwork, one of the things on their "to do" list is to apply for a passport. It amazes me that they would assume that we have no passport and don't instead say "make sure your passport is up to date". Why in the world would anyone who has never had a passport want to adopt a child from overseas!? It's true, I have never had to deal with the agony of infertility and gone through the choices that one must make if that is a factor. But, if you have never had the experience of being the weird looking person in a country, or at least feeling lost because you cannot talk to people or read the signs, can you really help your child when she comes home with you to a white environment where there aren't any people who look like her? I have blond hair and blue eyes. I have spent time in China as only one of 2 white people in a particular city. We had people follow us, touch us, stare at us. Even here in the Middle East, people are particularly facinated by my blue eyed, blond haired little girl. My second daughter doesn't get as much attention, but when they look closely at her they see her blue eyes and are just as facinated.
I just watched a video of a family who was talking about their experience in the orphanage with their child and they mentioned his birth name and actually rolled their eyes when they said his name! Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to change a child's name. We have decided to decide about whether or not to change her name when we actually hear it and meet her. But, the disrespect these families show for their children's birth countries and their lack of interest in anything international shocks me. They give lip-service to the stuff about their children's birth countries but I wonder if these families really have a clue about international issues. For the most part, it seems like these families consider the travel portion of the adoption as a "necessary evil" of the adoption process. Our first daughter who is not even 3 has already needed extra pages in her passport... She's been to the USA, Kuwait, Qatar, UAE, and Jordan. Sure, we know that the trip to China will be a challenge with both girls and then returning with 3, but we would never consider leaving them home (wherever that may be at the time). I cannot imagine them missing the experience of picking up their sister from China.
The Hague Treaty requires a certain number of hours for training. Our agency says 10 hours, our homestudy guy says 30. We still need to check with him about hose extra 20 hours. We've finished reading Adoption Parenting and taken an exam on it... 95%! Actually, it's set up for you to succeed. Fortunately, you aren't required to memorize everything. The book is more of a resource. That's good, because by the time we come home with our little girl, there is no way we are going to remember what we read years before.
Now we've moved on to the National Council for Adoption Training. This covers either 8 or 10 hours of our required training (again, something we need to confirm). It's a course that both the husband and wife need to complete. We'd like to do it together, but I'm a very fast reader and my husband is a very slow reader. You have to click through pages of reading, click on Internet links and open up articles to read. Also, there are several videos that you need to view. Actually, part of the reason I'm working on this blog right now is because the videos take so long to load that I can do other things while I wait.
I'm both encouraged and discouraged by the training. The risks are high. We have been blessed with two biological children who have no delays or problems. Really, the biggest problem we have had medically is that our second daughter was almost always sick with a cold or flu the first year of her life. So, that means we have also spent the first year of her life sick as well. I believe I have had the stomach flu 6 or 7 times in the past 14 months, ugh. Of course, there are no guarantees with biological children either, but it sounds like the risks of adopted children are much higher. I suppose it is better to be prepared for anything than surprised by something. But the way this training makes it sound, our child will be significantly developmentally delayed due to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but at minimum due to institutionalization. In addition, there could be major attachment issues and our child will never really attach to us as her parents. Would we love our biological children less if they have physical or mental delays/problems/issues? No. So, it might be tough, but I suspect it will be worth it.
There are several videos in this training done by adoptive families telling about their experiences. There is one thing that has struck me and I want to write about. Warning: This will be a bit of a rant... One reason we have chosen to adopt internationally is that we are a very internationally-minded family. We have traveled extensively and currently live overseas. We have always had a diverse group of friends as well as enjoyed learning about other cultures and people. It seems like a child from an other culture and background would be a good fit with our family. In fact, none of our children have been born in the US. First two were born here in the Middle East and now our third will be born in China. One thing I noticed about these families in the training who have talked about their experiences is that almost all of them have rarely or never traveled overseas. I'm not sure if any of them ever traveled to their child's country prior to starting the adoption! On our agency paperwork, one of the things on their "to do" list is to apply for a passport. It amazes me that they would assume that we have no passport and don't instead say "make sure your passport is up to date". Why in the world would anyone who has never had a passport want to adopt a child from overseas!? It's true, I have never had to deal with the agony of infertility and gone through the choices that one must make if that is a factor. But, if you have never had the experience of being the weird looking person in a country, or at least feeling lost because you cannot talk to people or read the signs, can you really help your child when she comes home with you to a white environment where there aren't any people who look like her? I have blond hair and blue eyes. I have spent time in China as only one of 2 white people in a particular city. We had people follow us, touch us, stare at us. Even here in the Middle East, people are particularly facinated by my blue eyed, blond haired little girl. My second daughter doesn't get as much attention, but when they look closely at her they see her blue eyes and are just as facinated.
I just watched a video of a family who was talking about their experience in the orphanage with their child and they mentioned his birth name and actually rolled their eyes when they said his name! Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to change a child's name. We have decided to decide about whether or not to change her name when we actually hear it and meet her. But, the disrespect these families show for their children's birth countries and their lack of interest in anything international shocks me. They give lip-service to the stuff about their children's birth countries but I wonder if these families really have a clue about international issues. For the most part, it seems like these families consider the travel portion of the adoption as a "necessary evil" of the adoption process. Our first daughter who is not even 3 has already needed extra pages in her passport... She's been to the USA, Kuwait, Qatar, UAE, and Jordan. Sure, we know that the trip to China will be a challenge with both girls and then returning with 3, but we would never consider leaving them home (wherever that may be at the time). I cannot imagine them missing the experience of picking up their sister from China.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
A bit more paper chase... Medicals...
Now, for the medical tests... Really, it's not that difficult: Go to the doctor and get a physical and have him/her fill out the form. Issue: we have never been to the doctor here. Sure, the pediatricians know us well (we're one of the few western families that uses that particular hospital and when you have little babies, you are always there for sicknesses or vaccines), but as for Brett and I we haven't really needed a doctor. So, Brett went to the hospital the other day to check things out. I might mention here that everyone goes "to the hospital" for basic medical stuff. All the outpatient things here are connected to hospitals. It took me a while after living here to get that. At home in the US, you only go to the hospital for the emergency room. Here, your regular doctors are at the hospital. So, based on my many visits there, I told him where I thought he should go. An other problem: our insurance does not cover "preventative medicine". If you are sick, fine but if you want to just make sure everything is ok, not fine. So, since Brett was a bit sick anyway we thought it would be a good time to get him into a doctor. The receptionist spoke excellent English and understood what he wanted, but said that the doctor he needed to see was only available in the AM. I should mention a few other things: they don't take appointments so you just show up and take a number AND they operate on a split schedule 8-12, 4-8. Turns out our physical with all the tests will cost about $300. Not bad considering in the US it would be much, much more I think. We could go to the public hospital for free, but as Brett describes it, that would require "a pound of flesh". So, how much is that worth?
NCFA and comedy relief...
I think doing this adoption process with two little ones already running around makes things a bit more challenging, and sometimes more amusing... I'm sitting here right now registering for our NCFA training. It fulfills 8 of the 10 required Hague hours for parent training. My 1 year old is running around the room (ok, waddling might be more accurate) pushing a doll stroller and wanted to be picked up. So I set her on my lap and she went straight for my credit card. Sure, anything works as a baby toy and she can't do too much damage to that. Then of course, she wanted to get down. Always a bit distracted, I put her down, credit card in her hand. Then my 2 year old had a tantrum over not wanting to get dressed and preferring to run around in the cold naked. So, after getting a bathrobe on her I settled down to finish the registration process. Hmmm, my credit card. Oh, the baby. By this time she was happily moving on to something else. I eventually tracked down the credit card: in the tent full of plastic balls. Yea!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Everything requested!
Our paper chase might be almost over!
My mom went down to the courthouse in CA and picked up certified copies of my birth certificate and marriage certificate. I went online and ordered a certified copy of my husband's Maine birth certificate www.vitalchek.com. Kind of creepy how much info can be pulled up in seconds. In order to verify his identity they had a series of multiple choice questions. What residence do you own? (with a list of addresses, including our condo) Who did you purchase this residence from? (the name of the seller! plus other names) We got a bit stumped when it asked what city he has not lived in. He had lived in all of them but 2. Hmmm... Finally I remembered that the address of our condo manager was listed on our credit report since we had stuff sent to her when we first moved overseas.
I mailed in our FBI fingerprints and our CA fingerprints. My inlaws will be visiting us in in about 4 weeks, bringing with them everything that has been received (we're having most stuff sent to our US post office box). We'll see.
Now we're working on the homestudy survey so we can fly our HS guy out soon to do the HS for us. 32 pages of questions! Everything from "what is your name" to "what kind of discipline did your parents use". Yikes!
My mom went down to the courthouse in CA and picked up certified copies of my birth certificate and marriage certificate. I went online and ordered a certified copy of my husband's Maine birth certificate www.vitalchek.com. Kind of creepy how much info can be pulled up in seconds. In order to verify his identity they had a series of multiple choice questions. What residence do you own? (with a list of addresses, including our condo) Who did you purchase this residence from? (the name of the seller! plus other names) We got a bit stumped when it asked what city he has not lived in. He had lived in all of them but 2. Hmmm... Finally I remembered that the address of our condo manager was listed on our credit report since we had stuff sent to her when we first moved overseas.
I mailed in our FBI fingerprints and our CA fingerprints. My inlaws will be visiting us in in about 4 weeks, bringing with them everything that has been received (we're having most stuff sent to our US post office box). We'll see.
Now we're working on the homestudy survey so we can fly our HS guy out soon to do the HS for us. 32 pages of questions! Everything from "what is your name" to "what kind of discipline did your parents use". Yikes!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
More Fingerprint adventures...
Ok, not really an adventure but always back and forth. When we got the letter from the embassy they told us to send the fingerprints to the FBI when they were done. But after being fingerprinted, the policeman said to go back to the embassy. Hmmm... All there was on the fingerprint paper to indicate who did it was a signature and date. Not helpful, for all the FBI knows that's my uncle. Fortunately, I have a friend here who has completed her dossier for Ethiopia. So, I asked her about it and she had the same questions but sent the fingerprints in anyway. They were accepted. Great! So, I cancelled my appointment with the embassy and instead of going there tomorrow I'll go to the post office to send off my fingerprints to the FBI and California. Yea!
Speaking of California, we need my birth certificate and marriage certificate from there (certified copies). Two options: 1) Fill out a form, have it notarized at the embassy and send it in for the requests. 2) Ask my mom to go down to the local courthouse and request the documents for me. Since her name is on both of those documents all she needs to do is show her drivers license and they will give them to her.
Success! My mom went to the courthouse a couple of day ago and got the paperwork. The line was around the room so she decided not to wait in it. Yesterday, she went back and now has both documents in hand. My husbands should be fairly easy, I just have to send in the request. Maine has no notarization requirements. Guess they are more trusting than California.
Speaking of California, we need my birth certificate and marriage certificate from there (certified copies). Two options: 1) Fill out a form, have it notarized at the embassy and send it in for the requests. 2) Ask my mom to go down to the local courthouse and request the documents for me. Since her name is on both of those documents all she needs to do is show her drivers license and they will give them to her.
Success! My mom went to the courthouse a couple of day ago and got the paperwork. The line was around the room so she decided not to wait in it. Yesterday, she went back and now has both documents in hand. My husbands should be fairly easy, I just have to send in the request. Maine has no notarization requirements. Guess they are more trusting than California.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Adventures in Police Clearances...
One of the problems that I think expats will have in this international adoption experience is that the fact that we are expats also indicates that we probably have lived in several places in our lives. The new Hague regulations state that we need police clearance from all the states and countries that we have lived in since age 18.
Between my husband and I, that is California, Washington DC, Virginia, and Florida. Not to mention the country we are now living in. Yikes! And, on top of that we need Child Abuse Clearance as well. Fortunately though, the places we studied abroad don't count. Only 3 months for each of us. I cannot imagine trying to get these clearances from other countries! Bad enough we have to get them from here.
In order to get a police clearance from our current country, we first need FBI clearance to state that we don't have a criminal record in the US. Our local US embassy does not do fingerprinting, but they do write a letter to the local police department requesting that they fingerprint us. This is actually a good thing since apparently they used to do fingerprinting at the embassy and the fingerprint cards were apparently consistently unreadable according to some friends who had theirs rejected. So letter in hand we went to the police station we had been told to go to by the embassy (and confirmed by some friends who had done it). Nope, location changed. It's behind the stadium they told us. One thing I have learned living here is that Arabic is very vague when it comes to directions. For example, the words "next to" and "near" are the same word in Arabic. So you could say "I live next to the grocery store" but in fact you live 1 mile away. By some miracle I actually was able to find a map of this place online. NOTHING in this country is online, particularly accurate maps. So, day 2, off we went to the new fingerprinting place. And, the website even had their hours of operation. And it was wrong. So we showed up 30 minutes after it closed. We confirmed with some police officers hanging out outside that yes we were in the right place.
Day 3 of fingerprinting...
We returned to the supposed fingerprinting location and asked a guard. He told us "door 11". Turns out door 11 was VIP fingerprinting. Not sure if it was the fact that we had 2 babies in tow, the fact that we had a letter from the US embassy or just the fact that we are white (yes, being white often sends us to the front of the line). Anyway, we needed ink fingerprints. But, apparently most of the world, including here, uses the electronic fingerprinting. So, they ushered us into the kitchen. Yes, the kitchen, where they have 2 ink stations set up for fingerprinting us the old fashioned way. We each needed 3 sets. One for FBI, one for California, and one for the I800 immigration form we will soon fill out.
Next step, back to the embassy for them to put some stamp on it... More later.
Between my husband and I, that is California, Washington DC, Virginia, and Florida. Not to mention the country we are now living in. Yikes! And, on top of that we need Child Abuse Clearance as well. Fortunately though, the places we studied abroad don't count. Only 3 months for each of us. I cannot imagine trying to get these clearances from other countries! Bad enough we have to get them from here.
In order to get a police clearance from our current country, we first need FBI clearance to state that we don't have a criminal record in the US. Our local US embassy does not do fingerprinting, but they do write a letter to the local police department requesting that they fingerprint us. This is actually a good thing since apparently they used to do fingerprinting at the embassy and the fingerprint cards were apparently consistently unreadable according to some friends who had theirs rejected. So letter in hand we went to the police station we had been told to go to by the embassy (and confirmed by some friends who had done it). Nope, location changed. It's behind the stadium they told us. One thing I have learned living here is that Arabic is very vague when it comes to directions. For example, the words "next to" and "near" are the same word in Arabic. So you could say "I live next to the grocery store" but in fact you live 1 mile away. By some miracle I actually was able to find a map of this place online. NOTHING in this country is online, particularly accurate maps. So, day 2, off we went to the new fingerprinting place. And, the website even had their hours of operation. And it was wrong. So we showed up 30 minutes after it closed. We confirmed with some police officers hanging out outside that yes we were in the right place.
Day 3 of fingerprinting...
We returned to the supposed fingerprinting location and asked a guard. He told us "door 11". Turns out door 11 was VIP fingerprinting. Not sure if it was the fact that we had 2 babies in tow, the fact that we had a letter from the US embassy or just the fact that we are white (yes, being white often sends us to the front of the line). Anyway, we needed ink fingerprints. But, apparently most of the world, including here, uses the electronic fingerprinting. So, they ushered us into the kitchen. Yes, the kitchen, where they have 2 ink stations set up for fingerprinting us the old fashioned way. We each needed 3 sets. One for FBI, one for California, and one for the I800 immigration form we will soon fill out.
Next step, back to the embassy for them to put some stamp on it... More later.
The beginning...
We're a few weeks into this process, so here's a quick overview. My husband and I decided several months ago to begin the process of adopting a child from China. Although I had done much research a few years ago, we quickly discovered that it is now a whole new ballgame with the new Hague laws. What would have been an arduous process a year ago, will now be many, many times more difficult.
My husband and I moved to a small Gulf country in the middle east 4 years ago. This country, like all the countries blessed with lots and lots of oil are growing quickly and have many foreigners living here.
We have two beautiful little girls, ages 2 1/2 and 1. Why adopt then? Well, for a long time we have felt God leading us in that direction, like our family is not complete without our daughter from China.
We feel a bit like the guinea pigs in this entire process. First, most adoption agencies have stopped working with expats because it has become more difficult with the new Hague requirements. So, finding an agency was a challenge. Then, the new rules for homestudy providers were made more stringent, so finding a qualified HS provider was an other challenge. I believe we found both and after many many emails back and forth with this agency, they still could not guarantee that we would be able to complete the process. But, having lived in the middle east for these years we have learned to be comfortable with uncertainty and decided that we knew as much as we were going to know. So, we put our money where are mouths were and put down the agency deposit. As for the homestudy providor, previously people living overseas could use a social worker who just happened to be living in their country. Now, the HS provider must be associated with an agency that is approved for Hague adoptions. There are two guys who live in Germany (different companies) who travel around the world doing HSs. We're going to have to fly one of them out here. He's been very helpful, but again, since he has not done a Hague adoption yet, he cannot gurantee us 100%.
My husband and I moved to a small Gulf country in the middle east 4 years ago. This country, like all the countries blessed with lots and lots of oil are growing quickly and have many foreigners living here.
We have two beautiful little girls, ages 2 1/2 and 1. Why adopt then? Well, for a long time we have felt God leading us in that direction, like our family is not complete without our daughter from China.
We feel a bit like the guinea pigs in this entire process. First, most adoption agencies have stopped working with expats because it has become more difficult with the new Hague requirements. So, finding an agency was a challenge. Then, the new rules for homestudy providers were made more stringent, so finding a qualified HS provider was an other challenge. I believe we found both and after many many emails back and forth with this agency, they still could not guarantee that we would be able to complete the process. But, having lived in the middle east for these years we have learned to be comfortable with uncertainty and decided that we knew as much as we were going to know. So, we put our money where are mouths were and put down the agency deposit. As for the homestudy providor, previously people living overseas could use a social worker who just happened to be living in their country. Now, the HS provider must be associated with an agency that is approved for Hague adoptions. There are two guys who live in Germany (different companies) who travel around the world doing HSs. We're going to have to fly one of them out here. He's been very helpful, but again, since he has not done a Hague adoption yet, he cannot gurantee us 100%.
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