Training... and a rant

Right now we're focusing on the training...
The Hague Treaty requires a certain number of hours for training. Our agency says 10 hours, our homestudy guy says 30. We still need to check with him about hose extra 20 hours. We've finished reading Adoption Parenting and taken an exam on it... 95%! Actually, it's set up for you to succeed. Fortunately, you aren't required to memorize everything. The book is more of a resource. That's good, because by the time we come home with our little girl, there is no way we are going to remember what we read years before.
Now we've moved on to the National Council for Adoption Training. This covers either 8 or 10 hours of our required training (again, something we need to confirm). It's a course that both the husband and wife need to complete. We'd like to do it together, but I'm a very fast reader and my husband is a very slow reader. You have to click through pages of reading, click on Internet links and open up articles to read. Also, there are several videos that you need to view. Actually, part of the reason I'm working on this blog right now is because the videos take so long to load that I can do other things while I wait.
I'm both encouraged and discouraged by the training. The risks are high. We have been blessed with two biological children who have no delays or problems. Really, the biggest problem we have had medically is that our second daughter was almost always sick with a cold or flu the first year of her life. So, that means we have also spent the first year of her life sick as well. I believe I have had the stomach flu 6 or 7 times in the past 14 months, ugh. Of course, there are no guarantees with biological children either, but it sounds like the risks of adopted children are much higher. I suppose it is better to be prepared for anything than surprised by something. But the way this training makes it sound, our child will be significantly developmentally delayed due to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but at minimum due to institutionalization. In addition, there could be major attachment issues and our child will never really attach to us as her parents. Would we love our biological children less if they have physical or mental delays/problems/issues? No. So, it might be tough, but I suspect it will be worth it.

There are several videos in this training done by adoptive families telling about their experiences. There is one thing that has struck me and I want to write about. Warning: This will be a bit of a rant... One reason we have chosen to adopt internationally is that we are a very internationally-minded family. We have traveled extensively and currently live overseas. We have always had a diverse group of friends as well as enjoyed learning about other cultures and people. It seems like a child from an other culture and background would be a good fit with our family. In fact, none of our children have been born in the US. First two were born here in the Middle East and now our third will be born in China. One thing I noticed about these families in the training who have talked about their experiences is that almost all of them have rarely or never traveled overseas. I'm not sure if any of them ever traveled to their child's country prior to starting the adoption! On our agency paperwork, one of the things on their "to do" list is to apply for a passport. It amazes me that they would assume that we have no passport and don't instead say "make sure your passport is up to date". Why in the world would anyone who has never had a passport want to adopt a child from overseas!? It's true, I have never had to deal with the agony of infertility and gone through the choices that one must make if that is a factor. But, if you have never had the experience of being the weird looking person in a country, or at least feeling lost because you cannot talk to people or read the signs, can you really help your child when she comes home with you to a white environment where there aren't any people who look like her? I have blond hair and blue eyes. I have spent time in China as only one of 2 white people in a particular city. We had people follow us, touch us, stare at us. Even here in the Middle East, people are particularly facinated by my blue eyed, blond haired little girl. My second daughter doesn't get as much attention, but when they look closely at her they see her blue eyes and are just as facinated.
I just watched a video of a family who was talking about their experience in the orphanage with their child and they mentioned his birth name and actually rolled their eyes when they said his name! Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to change a child's name. We have decided to decide about whether or not to change her name when we actually hear it and meet her. But, the disrespect these families show for their children's birth countries and their lack of interest in anything international shocks me. They give lip-service to the stuff about their children's birth countries but I wonder if these families really have a clue about international issues. For the most part, it seems like these families consider the travel portion of the adoption as a "necessary evil" of the adoption process. Our first daughter who is not even 3 has already needed extra pages in her passport... She's been to the USA, Kuwait, Qatar, UAE, and Jordan. Sure, we know that the trip to China will be a challenge with both girls and then returning with 3, but we would never consider leaving them home (wherever that may be at the time). I cannot imagine them missing the experience of picking up their sister from China.